Soccerstoriesbook's Blog


NAMING RIGHTS, AND NAMING WRONGS

FC New York of USL Pro has forged an affiliation with the Springfield, MO, Demize of the fourth-division Premier Development League, Tampa-based United Soccer Leagues has announced.  The Demize will serve as a feeder club for the third-division FC New York.  [November 24]

Comment:  American soccer has a long history of dreadful official team nicknames, conjured up by fan votes, focus groups, wrongheaded marketing types, headstrong club owners who aren’t as creative as they think they are, and other guilty parties.

The list begins with, in no particular order, the Ohio Xoggz, Minnesota Kicks, New York Kick, Indiana Kick, Tampa Bay Mutiny, San Francisco Fog, Central Florida Kraze, San Diego Jaws, San Diego Sockers, Chicago Shoccers, Los Angeles Salsa, Mobile Revelers, Miami Fusion, Pennsylvania Stoners, West Virginia Chaos, Washington Diplomats (a.k.a. Dips), Colorado Springs Ascent, Dallas Burn, Cleveland Crunch, Arizona Cotton, Connecticut Bicentennials (who played their only season a year after the U.S. bicentennial), Kalamazoo Outrage, Dallas Sidekicks, Oklahoma City Slickers, Cincinnati Kids, Phoenix Pride, Toledo Pride, Myrtle Beach Boyz, Myrtle Beach SeaDawgs, Pittsburgh Riverhounds,  New York Capital District Alleycats, San Jose Clash, Des Moines Menace, Albuquerque Geckos, New Orleans Jesters, Everett BigFoot . . . and extends far over the horizon.

The champion for a time, of course, was MLS’s Kansas City Wiz, which mercifullychanged its name to Wizards after a couple of seasons.  Earlier this month, it drew jeers for changing its name yet again, this time to a masterstroke of incongruity:  Sporting Kansas City (or, according to other accounts, Sporting Club Kansas City).  Never mind that, unlike Sporting Lisbon (Sporting Clube de Portugal) or Hamburg SV (Hamburger Sport-Verein), the Kansas City Wizards under any name is not a major traditional European sports club with thousands of dues-paying members who cheer on the big-time soccer team and also engage in club activities like volleyball, basketball, athletics, weightlifting, gymnastics, rugby, aquatics, etc.   Sporting Kansas City just sounds . . . European-ish, soccer-ish.  What’s the sense in making sense?

But back to New York and Springfield.  Until a pro soccer team comes along with something like “suicide” or “felony” in its nickname, nothing can top “Demize.”  After all, with the exception of the more durable Sporting Lisbon and Hamburger SV, plus the Wiz/Wizards/Sporting KC, Kraze, Chaos, Outrage, Riverhounds, Menace and Jesters, the clubs mentioned above, are no longer with us.  They’ve met their . . . y’know.

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